By Emma Peterson (Registered Psychologist)

With all the planning and prepping that comes with the festive season, it’s no wonder that this time of year is a time of increased stress. Add the burden of expectations, extra financial costs, and end-of-year fatigue, and it’s easy to understand why Christmas is considered by many to be a stressful time of year. If that wasn’t enough already, you then have the unique challenge of family dynamics at this time of year, whether it’s clashing personalities, political differences, or unresolved tensions, many individuals may find themselves dreading the festivities. Fear not, for in this blog post, I’ll provide you with some core strategies to help you move through the holiday season empowered to take the most enjoyment out of it.

With all the planning and prepping that comes with the festive season, it’s no wonder that this time of year is a time of increased stress. Add the burden of expectations, extra financial costs, and end-of-year fatigue, and it’s easy to understand why Christmas is considered by many to be a stressful time of year. If that wasn’t enough already, you then have the unique challenge of family dynamics at this time of year, whether it’s clashing personalities, political differences, or unresolved tensions, many individuals may find themselves dreading the festivities. Fear not, for in this blog post, I’ll provide you with some core strategies to help you move through the holiday season empowered to take the most enjoyment out of it.

Setting Boundaries

Family gatherings often carry emotional intensity, making it crucial to take charge of your emotional well-being through establishing clear boundaries. A proactive way to prepare for your Christmas Day family gathering is to have some responses ready, especially if there’s a family member consistently commenting on your relationship status or asking intrusive questions about future plans. For example, when confronted with inquiries like, “So, when are you guys planning on having kids?” respond with a smile, saying, “Not quite sure; it’s something we are discussing together as a couple. How’s your little ones going? How was school this year?”

If there’s a family member known to disregard your boundaries, strategically choose to sit next to other relatives with whom you feel most comfortable. Rehearse ways to assert your boundaries kindly but firmly, such as, “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” or respond with a simple smile or laugh to deflect the question. Consider adopting a mantra, for instance reminding yourself, ‘This behaviour speaks more about them than me.’ Additionally, keep in mind that you have the option to walk away from conversations or behaviour that crosses your boundaries.

Choosing Your Battles

In the intricate dance of family dynamics, not every disagreement needs to escalate into a heated argument, and it’s crucial to recognise that shared genetics don’t necessarily equate to shared beliefs. Sometimes, the ‘best’ decision over Christmas, is to choose the path of least resistance and step back from engaging in heated debates. Ask yourself the question, ‘is this person really going to change their viewpoint? Is this worth the battle?’ and I caution you to sway towards the side of taking the highroad and keeping the peace. This awareness paves the way for more peaceful interactions, where you take the powerful stance of choosing a diplomatic approach over engaging in verbal battles. Often modelling the behaviour we desire becomes a powerful tool for navigating familial drama. That means if we’re looking for compassion, we can try to be compassionate first, showing a family member we care about them.  By stepping into the shoes of others and considering their perspectives, we open the door to mutual understanding. And when we truly take the time to listen, rather than always wanting to get our point across, it increases the prospects of our points being truly heard as well.

Prioritise Self-Care

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, not everyone gets the joy of a perfect family moment. Prioritising self-care as you traverse the festive season is incredibly important and shouldn’t be overlooked, as filling your own cup will support you to stay regulated and be your best self. If family stress is too much, think about celebrating elsewhere—with friends, coworkers, or solo. Remember, chosen family can be just as special as blood relatives.

In terms of prioritising yourself, make sure to assess your schedule and keep things manageable. Make time for yourself, for instance, plan a romantic moment with your partner, or enjoy some quality fun with your kids away from the craziness of it all. Have rituals in place to support this time period, for instance, practice deep breathing and some preventative meditation before the family event to support you to arrive in a less reactive frame of mind.

Lastly, it’s important we keep an eye out for habits that can make things worse. The holidays often tempt us to overeat or party late into the night. This can mess with your sleep, leaving you tired and on edge during family moments. Excessive drinking is another pitfall; it not only fuels anger but can also spike feelings of anxiety or depression. Alcohol’s impact on cognitive function makes it harder to think clearly, reducing your ability to handle conflicts. Stay mindful of these habits and their impact on your well-being during the festive season.

Managing Expectations

In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our holiday experiences to the seemingly perfect ones we see online. The truth is, those snapshots capture only the highlight reel, not the full picture of our complex lives. It’s crucial to ground ourselves in reality and set realistic expectations for our families and the holiday season. If we anticipate perfection based on festive films and Instagram reels, disappointment is likely to follow. Embracing the inherent flaws of human nature and acknowledging that relationships don’t have to meet an ideal standard is key to finding genuine value in our holiday gatherings. Remind yourself regularly that the picture of the ‘perfect’ Christmas that media and society has created is impossible to replicate in real life – and that’s okay.

Being realistic extends to accepting that family dynamics may not undergo a magical transformation just because it’s the holiday season. Arguments that are part of the family routine might persist, and it’s essential to navigate these situations with a level-headed approach. Additionally, releasing the pursuit of perfection is liberating. The holiday season is not about achieving a flawlessly decorated home or managing a family that behaves perfectly. Letting go of these idealistic expectations prevents unnecessary stress and disappointment. Instead, a flexible approach that embraces imperfection sets the stage for a more enjoyable and meaningful holiday experience. Accepting the imperfect nature of gatherings allows us to focus on the positive qualities of family members, fostering an atmosphere of connection and joy during this festive season.

Christmas is a time where we can lean into the messiness of humans, family dynamics and personalities, recognising we can accept people for who they are faults and all. Yourself… included.

Focus on Gratitude

Throughout the holiday season, it’s a worthwhile practice to make a list of five to ten things you are grateful for. Perhaps you handled a situation in a new way that in the past would have sent you spiralling, or you enjoyed a conversation with a loved one, or you are grateful for the people in your life, whatever you are grateful for – highlight it. “I am grateful to see my family and friends, I am grateful for the meal we have in front of us, I am grateful for the person I have become.” Taking time to reflect on gratitude can shift stressful moments into a mindset of appreciation.

In Summary

The holiday season can indeed be a challenging time, but armed with these strategies, you can navigate family dynamics with empathy and resilience. Remember, the true essence of the holidays lies in reflecting on another year gone by and finding joy where you can, whether you’re spending time with your biological family or creating beautiful moments with your chosen one. So put on your festive spirit, embrace the rhythm of the season, and let the imperfect, messy, complicated festive family gathering begin!